Become a Certified Alcohol and
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Bible Study and
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A Student's Reflection about Going to a Meeting
Working in recovery with no former history with a drug and/or alcohol addiction has put me in a position of insecurity and inferiority towards my position as a group facilitator. I would at times question myself on my ability to help these men who come in and out of extreme addictions, addictions I never had. After attending an AA meeting and listening to the countless stories of recurring events from people with addictive behaviors I learned I too am an addict. I have become powerless, and I too need saving.
Addiction does not come knocking at the door of any specific person. It is relentless in its pursuit and has no prejudices. My story, like many in the AA meeting I attended, is the same, we want out, we have no control and we never saw it coming. The desire for our drug of choice exceeds the limits, invading every part of our senses; mentally, physically, and emotionally. We are left broken and powerless and need to move forward but we question how?
When seeking out the cause of the addiction for myself and the person speaking in front of me, there is one thing we have in common, it feels a void. Experiencing trauma, loss, grief, lack of love, etc. we found something that was able to temporarily feel the void; for five min, five hours, five days, it didn’t matter briefly the hole was filled. Like everyone else in that meeting I didn’t see death was just ahead. The addiction embodies us and becomes a part of our bodily function, a function we won’t live without.
My addiction was not Methamphetamine, heroin, marijuana, or any other substance, my addiction was intimacy. I use the word intimacy and not sex because it was not sex that I became addicted to, it was the rush, the release from the hurts and pains that a simple touch brought, kiss on the lips, love, and the stroke of my hair brought. There was a great escape from the tragedy that was roaring inside of me, even for just a moment, it was an escape. Through the unspeakable events and experiences that take place in our lives, we are left empty. We all are simply on a pursuit to take back what was stolen, our life.
Reading the book “Addiction and Grace'' allowed me to see the similarities I share with many people with many different addictions. The desire to quit the bad behavior, the recurrence and endless cycle of failure. The disease always wants to persuade us to go back, giving us a real substance to cling to and draw us back to the state of bliss that takes our life for itself. Like many undergoing the withdrawals are extremely painful and having to adapt to a new environment with the needed stimuli becomes a heavy task. We need to stay accountable, and we need to say no. As I tell those in my group, no matter what we feel, the answer is always no.
--C. F.
Addiction does not come knocking at the door of any specific person. It is relentless in its pursuit and has no prejudices. My story, like many in the AA meeting I attended, is the same, we want out, we have no control and we never saw it coming. The desire for our drug of choice exceeds the limits, invading every part of our senses; mentally, physically, and emotionally. We are left broken and powerless and need to move forward but we question how?
When seeking out the cause of the addiction for myself and the person speaking in front of me, there is one thing we have in common, it feels a void. Experiencing trauma, loss, grief, lack of love, etc. we found something that was able to temporarily feel the void; for five min, five hours, five days, it didn’t matter briefly the hole was filled. Like everyone else in that meeting I didn’t see death was just ahead. The addiction embodies us and becomes a part of our bodily function, a function we won’t live without.
My addiction was not Methamphetamine, heroin, marijuana, or any other substance, my addiction was intimacy. I use the word intimacy and not sex because it was not sex that I became addicted to, it was the rush, the release from the hurts and pains that a simple touch brought, kiss on the lips, love, and the stroke of my hair brought. There was a great escape from the tragedy that was roaring inside of me, even for just a moment, it was an escape. Through the unspeakable events and experiences that take place in our lives, we are left empty. We all are simply on a pursuit to take back what was stolen, our life.
Reading the book “Addiction and Grace'' allowed me to see the similarities I share with many people with many different addictions. The desire to quit the bad behavior, the recurrence and endless cycle of failure. The disease always wants to persuade us to go back, giving us a real substance to cling to and draw us back to the state of bliss that takes our life for itself. Like many undergoing the withdrawals are extremely painful and having to adapt to a new environment with the needed stimuli becomes a heavy task. We need to stay accountable, and we need to say no. As I tell those in my group, no matter what we feel, the answer is always no.
--C. F.